Bertie Bonzo has a good week!

Oh Bertie, what on earth have you been up to?

Sandra Kisby writes:

3.03am Bertie is barking and scrabbling at door to garden, he only ever does this when urgent “call of nature” both Malcolm and I pretend to be asleep, Malcolm eventually gives up and gets up to open door I pretend to snore - heartrending screams from garden we BOTH fly out with bare feet in PJ’s. Bertie is violently shaking SOMETHING in his mouth, I chase him round garden shouting, lights are going on in neighbouring houses! Eventually I get him shut in the living room, where he destroys the door with scratching and continues barking, more lights are going on. There is a creature lying very still on the slabs. In the darkness it is impossible to make out what it is and even more difficult because I can’t look and come in feeling sick. Malcolm is a hero, I get trowel for him to deal with it but trowel too small and creature too heavy to lift and it rolls into the flower bed. I search for LARGE rubber gloves for Malcolm and with the aid of his stick and being very unstable he manages to retrieve a corpse, walk over uneven ground to the bin out front carrying the mystery object who is definitely an "ex parrot”. Malcolm feels important, quite rightly, that Bertie sees it is gone or will continue barking to get out there. Malcolm sits in chair by the door for THREE QUARTERS OF AN HOUR whilst Bertie goes round every inch of the garden looking for it. I go to bed, lights go out across Blackheath. Next morning I can’t look in bin, Malcolm goes and reports back “it is a ferret” A FERRET!! Beloved cleaning lady comes takes over and reports that it is a baby fox - so sad, removes the corpse takes it home to give it a christian burial and cleans out the bin. Bertie VERY pleased with himself and re- enacts the killing with his toy squirrel over and over and over. YOU WOULD THINK THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN ENOUGH EXCITEMENT FOR 1 WEEK EVEN FOR A WT Bertie HATES the paper man and has in the past made this quite clear. As a result we have an inside gate that he stays behind whenever I open the door, I am careful. His dog walker arrives, Bertie behind internal gate, I call out “is that you Stephen” YES he says. Bertie goes to the door, Stephen bends down to attach his lead and is within a millimetre of clipping when the paper man arrives. Bertie rushes past young very fit Stephen, paper man runs, Bertie thinks what a good game, Stephen followed by me, both shouting, rush after him, Neighbours doors open. Paper man wallops Bertie with rolled up news paper, who can blame him? Bertie rushes out into road followed by Stephen who grabs him and neither under the wheels of a car! Nor paper man bitten Paper man furious with me as I had assured him Bertie behind gate, he refuses to let me explain I DID have him behind gate and million to one chance he arrived at that exact moment and danger not foreseen. He won’t listen and says going Police, Dangerous Dog Act, needs putting down etc etc. I want him to understand the situation so grab hold of his jacket by both lapels to restrain him and make him listen and then in frustration because he won't give him a good shake!! So not only a “dangerous dog” but a "dangerous owner” - an ASBO on the way? Stephen gets Bertie and takes him off, paper man leaves muttering threats although not hurt in any way. Malcolm and I go to paper shop to explain. Lovely owner says she will talk to him and quite understands. No more happens but both Bertie and I are awaiting legal proceedings. On our territory so assured by Police Inspector friend no repercussions. At great expense we commission ANOTHER wooden gate OUTSIDE, secure whole of garden fencing with wire on the outside put a bin for the paper NEXT DOOR and paper man delivers there and I go round and collect. Paper man happy, Bertie is very pleased with himself and the great “game” played with paper man my hair is whiter than ever! To quote Shakespeare ALLS WELL THAT ENDS WELL

Brian Robinson writes:

Very funny!

Jan Chamberlain writes:

How exciting! Please don't tell my two girls what an exciting life Bertie leads. They'll be very jealous!

Chris Amos writes:

Oh dear Sandra... this is so funny! And I thought Jasper was naughty. It must have been a nightmare for you while it was happening. You certainly have a sense of humour if you have a Welsh Terrier. Hope you're both sitting down with a large glass of something...you deserve it after all that!

Jane Price writes:

I enjoyed reading Sandra's article about Bertie. In fact my Sister was also awakened the other night at around 2am by her dog Poppy. Poppy never wakes or barks at night so like Sandra, my sister went down stairs to investigate. She let Poppy out into the garden as she thought she may want to go out for a wee? Despite being let out before going to bed?! Poppy who usually comes when called refused to come in and was sitting at the top of the garden like a little statue. After several calls for her to come in, my sister Mary-Ann wearing only a nightie and a pair of clogs walked up the garden to grab her collar to bring her in. As she walked up to her in the dark, she sort of tripped on something on the lawn. When she looked down discovered it was a rolled up hedgehog! Fortunately, Poppy had not touched it but was sitting guarding it?!!! She was reluctantly brought into the house and eventually settled down. How the hell she heard or could smell a hedgehog at the top of the garden from the kitchen with the door closed only goes to demonstrate how sensitive a dogs power of smell is?! We forget that when a Welsh Terrier is shaking its squeaky toy violently and think how sweet and amusing it is? It is in fact their primal instinct reacting and they think they are killing their prey such as a rat or sadly in this case, a baby fox. Hopefully, the fox would not have known much about it after one shake. The only worry is when the fearless Welsh Terrier thinks they are hard enough to take on an adult fox?! Welsh Terriers are the Phil Mitchell's (aka Eastenders) of the doggy fraternity!!!! Bertie is probably feeling very proud of himself! However, I feel for Sandra and Malcolm having to deal with such a horror and at that unearthly hour.

Judith Berg writes:

Life is never dull with a WT but Bertie certainly excelled himself this time! I hope you are on good terms with your neighbours. :)